What a Massive Bird!

Is what I thought as I walked into the departure lounge. Apparently I was about to step onto a two tier boeing 747....lets face it, I'l never get to the top tier...so I'll just worship it from afar.

I'm flying with Qantas today, and it's a lovely sparse flight. Spare enough that the gentleman I'm sharing my little bank of seats with and I have a 'breathing seat' between us, which has been taken up by various items and body parts at various stages of the journey.

Arms and legs...minds out of the gutter please!

the annoying couple behind us (whose latest endeavour involves seeing how many times they can push the blind up and down on the window in 30 seconds, waking 50% of fellow passengers up, causing the other 50% to go blind, and causing at least 16 epileptic fits) managed to wage a seemingly well-meaning hate campaign upon their young row-neighbour.

It began with psychological warfare, the conversational version of water torture, amd so when the 'kindly old lady got up to find him some of his own space and was successful, he was almost apopleptic in his joy as he launched himself across the plane. It's a shame that for purposes of balance he has to return to his seat at the end of the flight.

As I type I can smell a pooey scent wafting by. I DO hope that's coming from the toilets and not from me. I know that long haul travel plays hell with my bowels, but surely we haven't reached this stage yet.

The food is surprisingly god, though I suspect they're trying to fatten us up...although I haven't figured out their motive yet.... inner was good, 3 courses, tabbouleh salad for starter, chicken in taragon sauce with roaties and green veg for mains (I got the last chicken! Hope you enjoy your porky goo-lash suckers!!), and 'eton mess' for dessert (jam with vanilla foam on top..pavlova my arse!)

Then Tea/coffee

Then...randomly....hot chocolate or peppermint tea

THEn not ten minutes later a goodie bag comes round containing, along with a bottle of water, a mars bar, polos and a Byron Bay fig and pecan cookie. FIG and PECAN? If you're gonna do it, do it right..no token gestures towards health please.

If I'd known I was getting polos I wouldn't have bothered with the peppermint tea.

I also suspect they're trying to hydrate us to death, they keep stalking around in the dark with torches, illuminating the big jug of water they're carying. It's really quite sinister.

So 6:30am in the UK and I reckon about 4 hours left in the air for me, though you won't get this until (now) later when I have net connection..poor things. Those last four hours will probably consist mostly of the flight attendants filling us with tea and coffee and then watching the queues for the loos grow...taking bets on who'l pee themselves first.

LATER! Updates on whether or not Becki crapped her pants and her first day in Bangkok...hopefully with pictures..tuk tuk hell...