Day 2 - Jaunty Italian Policemen

I have resolved to try and use a little more basic Italian, thus far I have mostly got by with broken english, It's mostly a self-conciousness thing, I think they might laugh at my exceptionally poor Italian, and all the while my brain is shouting 'IT'S POLITE! THEY'LL APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS!!' I won't let logic take over. It would be lovely to remain blissfully ignorant and safe in the long-held belief of all English people that everyone should be able to speak english, but I know it's rude.....gah!

Today I shall speak more Italian!

Such resolve as I have was brought about by a painful telephone incident this morning. I woke up and my phone was telling me it was 19:05. Impossible! But in my bleary morning haze I was confused and decided to call reception and find out what the time was. It took so much slow explanation and broken english to explain I just wanted the time, when all I should have said was 'A che ora?' or something along those lines and I'd have got there quicker. She then told me the wrong time anyway and I called 123 lol!

Yeah, you can get 123 in Italy! I was amazed too.

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It's now 8:35am and I'm at breakfast, Italiano primo colazione, which is basically croissants and coffee. The croissants were ickle and I wasn't sure how many I was allowed, so I stole 2 and moved furtively away before being accused of being a chunky croissant thief.

Now croissants aren't good for the old diet anyway, and as it turned out one was full of what I can only describe as custard, but with a lemony tang to it. I SWEARZ I didn't know when I picked it up. Delicious, but how long will it sustain my trek around the sights today?

They're sneaky, put everything on the room so they hope you lose track and have to pay an extortionate bill when you check out. I'm onto their game.

For my next Italian speaking foray I shall book my shuttlebus for Saturday to Rome Termini at the reception desk.....wooohay.

'Er..........un.......shuttlebus (that doesn't sound italian!), Sabato, alle otto per favore

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*cut to me outside the Monumento a Vittorio Emanuele II*

Ahh, I have found a shady spot on a stone bench just next to the monument, I haven't been to look at it yet. I wonder if I'll see the changing of the guard this time? This is what I call it as I'm english and everything is english.

Big fail on the shuttlebus front, after deploying my faultless pigeon-Italian the receptionist replies in faultless english that you can only book the day in advance.......buggery!

My journey in felt like my commute to work, bus to the tube station, tube to town. One of the most surreal experiences the whole holiday was when I emerged from Metro B tube stop 'Colosseo'. As you walk out of the exit there's the colosseum right away, rearing up in front of you, surrounded by morning traffic, there's a ring road running all around it. Beeping cars and tourist buses swarm around it like insects while it sits there, majestic and eternal, chilling out. It was already quite buy even at 10am which is about the time I arrived, and there were plenty of tour guides trying to nobble you as you wandered across the road towards the sleeping giant.

Apparently the colosseum was one of the first places where allocated ticketing was employed. An advanced system showing your row and seat number and allocated entrance number was issued, and this allowed them to seat 50,000 people in 20 minutes through 79 separate entrances.

I took a walk around the colosseum in the morning sun and took lots of pictures as is my joy, and then made my way towards the ruins of the roman forum.

The ruins of the Foro Romano are on your left hand side as you walk up Via dei Fori Imperiali towards the Monumento Vittorio Emaunele. The Roman Forum was the economic, religious and judicial epicentre of Rome, built between the Capitoline hill and the Palatine hill. It began to fall into disrepair even within the 8th century, much as the Empire itself had begun to.

The portico you see to the far right is the remains of the Temple of Saturn, built between 501 and 498BC. It was built as a tribute to the agricultural deity Saturn, but was also used as somewhat of a treasury, holding the gold and silver of the state, and official state documents and insignia.

I can't quite decide if this is the remains of the Temple of Castor and Pollux (the two twins of Gemini, sons of Zeus), or of Vespasian and Titus. More research required!

I was by now mostly relieved at the fact that I'd managed to dodge the 'centurions' wandering around trying to charge you for having photos taken with them on your own camera! How cheeky is that? I bet they make a mint too. I wasn't approached by any this time, I think I had my best I'm walking, don't mess with me, face on. I only saw them at the colosseum last time, this time they were absolutely everywhere, obviously a lucrative rackett.

Just got screwed for a bottle of water, €2, thieving gypsy bastards! Actually, he wasn't a gypsy, and probably not a bastard, teach me not to bring my own water out though.

Rightho! Off to check out King Emanueles Monumento.

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*cut to me now sat in the portico of the Pantheon*

Ooooooh, I'm sat on the base of one of the pillars of the Pantheon portico. Something I haven't mentioned is that I have a biiig hole in my jeans crotch that I forgot about when I put them on....argh. Every time I sit down I imagine this hole creeping bigger and bigger, right up me bum so everyone can see my sexy knickers.

The Monument was cool, though many locals consider it an eyesore, large, square and glaringly white, it's visible from many places in Rome. As you may have already gathered, it's a monument to King Emanuele II who was the first king of a unified Italy. As well as many sculptures including the controvertial bronze of Victor Emanuele himself, the monument contains the 'Tomb of the unknown soldier' and an eternal flame. After WWI, the remains of a soldier were chosen from 11 unidentified bodies, he was placed in the monument in a funeral ceremony on 4th Nov 1921.

There are policemen guarding the tomb and the flame, and it seems they enjoy striking incredibly camp/jaunty poses.....SO Italian :)

This is considered a sacred place and it's an offence to sit or lay on the steps, smoke, drink or 'pet'. Damn....all my favourite things!

Tip - when looking up to take a picture of a statue from directly underneath, brace yourself against a wall,or you may find yourself falling backwards....ahem.

I found my way to the Pantheon without getting lost! The great thing about Italian cities is that they're so easy to navigate. Sitting here I have pigeons pecking around my feet, bugger off!! I swear it's just like London.

The first thing I did was to ignore the Pantheon completely and head to my favourite Gelaterie. 3 scoops, novella, cioccolato and crema. The novella is like the inside of a Ferrero Roche.....divine! She also gave me a free bottle of water....how nice....maybe I looked like a dehydrated piece of leather. So I went and sat in Piazza della Rotunda which is where the Pantheon lives and ate my gelato.

I was MOST upset to spy a McDonalds......right opposite the Pantheon. This place is an old/ancient temple, built around 125AD dedicated to all the Roman Gods.......and someone has built a MACDONALDS opposite it. Consul Agrippa must be turning in his grave.

Now it is used as a Christian church, but still contains the tombs of various people including old Victor Emanuele and Raffaele, the famous artist/architect. One of the most striking features is the oculus in the centre of the perfectly round ceiling, letting spirits out or God in? I canny remember.

This last one is my view from my perch on the Pantheon pillar. Hang on.....someone....somewhere.. is playing 'My Way' on a concertina. There are many many tour groups around in all the places I've visited so far, each tour guide has a stick, and they each tie something different onto the end of their stick and wave it around in the air so their crowd know where they are. You know, like a teatowel or a pair of knickers.

I think I'll leave it there for now before you all fall alseep....I'll pretend you didn't do that half an hour ago!